The Newest Crazy 3-11-26

Its been a very hard 5 months since H25. I really didn’t know what the future looked like, but i did remember after that near-fatal night, feeling clear. I stopped all the drugs that fussed with my mind for a week and, mysteriously, felt better for it. The best description would be, i felt like a prisinor who was incarcerated for a crime they didn’t commit. I suspect, when those criminals finally get out (if they ever do) must feel no sense of anger or revenge or anything like that anymore because if they let those emotions in while in prison, they would not have lasted. You either let go of the most dangerous feelings so that you can survive.

But i also felt, since they are innocent and know they are innocent, they cannot feel guilty for being in jail. The must feel, tainted by it because just the association will make people prejudge. But, because they know the truth of whether or not they are guilty, they must feel a sense of emptiness, clearness, unlike an actual criminal. That is what i felt for that week.

I cannot say the same for Nemsis. The group had gotten…I literally was in a state of shock at what i now know to be learning that i do not have schizo-like symptoms and I experience reality the way it happens. Which also meant, unfortunatly, that those symptoms had to be created by Nemsis intentionally. I have no doubt that is likely the way it even occured. I watched a video recently, by accident, that was basically a rundown on the symptoms most common. And it was like point for point what has been said about me.

So, this has been coordinated to mimick a disease i do not have and it was very successful. I believed it was the disease, one way or another, for so long after 12 years ago, but today, i do not even think i have ever hallucinated a voice. It is ALL them. I have opened my eyes and ears, i have observed this long enough, and i have made sure to not ever doubt myself. For, even if it isn’t them sometimes, i figured it was them enough to not matter. By identifying when i heard them, i even had help FROM THEM.

Because i spoke aloud, they will feed me everything i needed and almost all the time, a response. I got a response, in real time, whenever i made it known “there is it is” vs. when i didn’t and remained silent or did the opposite “they are gone.” If you are asking, “Did they respond when you said “they are gone?” Yes….They listen to me more than i am even conscious of them. This hasn’t been the way for 12 years, obviously. I’m not saying it has. But it has been this way since H25.

So, how is that possible? The first thing is there are multiple people involved and they seem to have “shifts.” It seems coordinated enough to suppose this is figured out prior each day or they have a schedule. I have noted hearing who when. And, also, they are NOT DOING IT all the time, but they are, most recently, doing it almost all the time. This MUST BE important for them. I wonder why? I can go into more detail about this but not now.

What is it they want? I mean, months passed. If you think about when it all started, years and years have passed. But why does it feel like they are waiting for something? And why would they think I need or should do something? I tried to tell them “i don’t care about what they say or do, I do not believe them or care to hear them, and why would i listen and if i listen why the hell will i follow what they say?”

But, the thing is, they refuse to accept this. They seem to operate on some principle of whatever THEY BELIEVE is the TRUTH no matter what the truth is. So, to them, i am not even what i say or how i behave or an living breathing feeling entity. I am just a series of character traits that they think are accurate. But…they are made up from false assumptions, negative feedback from anything they consume related to my privacy invasion, and just a touch of complete Bullshit. Instead of trying to figure out things, you know, my way, using something more akin to the scientific method of hypothesis, gather evidence and observation, then either reinforce believe or CHANGE IT according to what is really occuring. But, even though they watch me all day everyday and have zero proof that i have ever been dangerous or commited an act of violence, for instance, they still think i am going to. Why? Because they think i am violent or dangerous inside…or something.

And what i learned, and maybe i should have realized this, but you know what? I do not care, they are invading my personal space, my privacy, my devices, i do not care what i say. But apperently, they have been taking all the stupid shit that comes out my mouth over….decades?…idk how long….seriously. I don’t even know what that means, but from what i understand about there ideas is that, words are either equal or worse than actions. According to them, what i have said is akin to whatever the action they want to put it onto. But this only applies to ME. What they say, as long as its not to my face, is not important. It never happened. It doesn’t matter. I would agree with that if it wasn’t for this whole fiasco, but nope, i cannot. And the funny thing is, they do not even need me to know what they think or say, they MADE IT SO I HAVE NO CHOICE. I need to explain the audio thing, but i am forced without any say or consent to listen to them, inside and out the house. they own the fucking air….But, you see the problem with their double standard? I can HEAR THEM. And since, i now know whatever i hear isn’t in my ‘head” or a “hallucination”, it must be them all the time. Therefore, how can their words not matter and mine do?

And i want to say, words don’t matter that much. I’m not saying because they said words, they matter. It isn’t THE WORDS that is the problem. Its the constant harassment of voices that they force me to hear that is the problem. Hell, i don’t even care anymore what they say, i just make notes when i hear them. But to think, what i say TO MYSELF in my PRIVACY is worse than what they force upon me while they COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER, is ever going to be worse, is also foolish. I do not consent to being heard either. And i do not even say who it is i am ever talking about or ‘to” if you can call an invisible voice a “to”. But they are talking about me TO EACH OTHER….and that is going to be hurtful and a problem for anyone. a person talking to themselves is only a problem if you record them, and even then, they aren’t gossiping or talking shit, they are just talking thinking to themselves….

This is just a sample of the fucking crazy contridictory nature of their personalities when in connection to CHASM. I see through it. But the gaslighting is the worst part. How can i ever just get the fuck out of this place and away from these people if they continue to allow me to….tell me to?….coerce me to stay to my face. I have heard things, the most recent, like “you are important” “we need you” “how can you think we are doing this” “you are safe here” “you will never make it” “at least you have a house and a car” “we allow you” “we love you”…..I do not hate anyone. But i most certainly do not hate the people they are to my face. They are splitting themselves into an overt and covert self, and, i want to still believe the overt selves, but its clear the covert selfs are their true opinions. The MOMENT I FUCKING LEAVE THE LIGHT OF THEIR EYES, they revert into these monsters as if “fuck that guy” after they just said something like “we care about your opinion” or something…..

I can write and write….but it really amounts to just me saying stuff. I know, without actual evidence, i cannot even think about doing a goddamn thing. I didn’t even believe it fully. So that is what i did! I have alot of things that are evidence of this or that now and will just continue. But i also don’t want to do anything, i just went to settle this.

And then today happened. They are most likely trying to manipulate me into killing myself (i know….don’t overexagerate) by threatening me with….PRISON! for what? Something related to being sexual predator. Something to do with children. I do not know what they are referencing so i will not go into anything further, but the threat is clear and has been persistent for some time. They have flip-flopped back and forth from “your a rapist” “you like children” than to “18 year olds” and “anal” referencing LEGAL pornagraphy.

But now, they seem to have made certain statements regarding me getting into some hot water. Im NOT AFRAID OF THIS. I didn’t do anything illegal. That does not excuse them for what they did. And i am more worried about DYING…. So this is actually what i wanted, believe it or not, because it is better than DYING.

I don’t believe them though. But let me go over what i believe. They have been recording me for at least 12 years, but let us say 18 years because that is what i heard. So, they are referencing something from that time period, if it is REAL. But, than i realized i kept hearing 8-7….so, i am thinking they might be referencing something form no earlier than that. This is a hypotheses for now.

Along with that, i think they are actively GOING THROUGH the times i probably jerked off….and making some form of list or directory….its that type of shit with these people. They think they are investigating me….with ILLEGALLY RECORDED FOOTAGE FROM NOT ONLY MY PRIVACY BUT OF ME PERFOMING SEXUAL ACTS…..I just cannot understand….NEVER HAVE I SEEN ANY MINORS…ever. I know the law, i know what the fucking consequence is. As for cartoons….i don’t care, but if this is because of cartoons, does this even make sense anymore?

The thing is, i also know they are liars and manipulators, so whatever they are telling me or trying to get from me, is not or will never be what they would include if they ever did go and start an investigation (which they won’t…i know). They will LIE and create things that go beyond the truth and exagerate and do whatever they want to make it believed or whatever….

Good thing i preempted them tho. I have and their exists evidence that i persued investiagions into their behavior at least two years ago. Not only that, i have been sending myself emails and have been writing about being FRAMED, because i knew this would happen. Why? If Chasm was true, then the most “logical” thing that i could think of was them attempting to frame me for this specifically because this was already known and going on at the very beginning 12 years ago! (Unfortunetly….i didn’t ever imagine that they would attempt some even worse…less reasonable tactics….that have left me dumbfounded….)

Anyway, i am not worried about this shit! I am just trying to defend my own life from this shitty ass abuse and they refuse….and think whatever the fucking thing they think matters so much that they try to tell me….i don’t why? Why the fuck are they trying to convince me?

But they are trying to convince me…i heard “did you convince him yet?” Which leads me to the last thing i will write. They are, seriously, saying “kill yourself” to me through this bullshit communication system they set up. V3 says it more than anyone. v2 said it. Donkey has said it. I have heard this three or four times just in the last week. What are they trying to “convince me of?” They think i will kill myself…out of fear? for them? for what? after i said NEVER AGAIN WILLL I TRY IT. I didn’t want to so it failed. And i won’t even try it to fail again. They need to except reality. Too bad they are the delusional ones….