MESSAGE TO MY DEAR READER (if one even exists)

This place has been a very seldom visited refuge for writing through some of my blog posts, which now will be another piece of evidence showing that I never wanted any of this and some true emotions. I also put a lot of my other writings here. I will keep this and maybe try to expand, but right now, I need to get help for the situation first. What situation? keep reading if your interested. And please feel free to read other things!

And maybe one day I will stop using pseudonyms for everything and even reveal my name and FACE! One thing to EXPOSE at a time, right!

10-24-25 The Last Post…..before the NEW ME

In the end, I was always fucked with a lose/lose type of situation cause I'm a loser. I don’t think that anymore, but Nemsis does….along with so many other things that are simple one words types of insults I just don’t care to place them here.

OH, and Nemsis is real….And CHASM (what i used to call VDP) is also all real…..among other things I hypothesize and things I can’t even imaging (which really scares me because i started out with just deductions and hypotheticals)….

For those new here, I have been investigating very serious abuses done to me. It didn’t start that way. I was actually just reality checking my experiences because I could no longer believe those around me were telling the truth. And I was right….about so much that it scares me. I tried to confront Nemsis way way back in the beginning of this cycle of abuse but they lied to me and tried to make me believe, again, that it was actually in my head. They tried to convince me I was actually schizophrenic and experiencing Paranoid delusions and hearing voices than tell me the truth. I will get to that but….just once again, Nemsis are the people who have conspired against me and involve mostly family members and in-laws. It includes more tangential and outside the core people too, but the actual core consists of just like 6 people maybe. As for the tangential? I do not know and I fear finding out. I fear a lot.

So, my family would rather me believe I am experiencing horrible mental instability and illness than to tell the truth. Ok…the telling the truth part makes some sense because what it really means is “exposing them”. However….they not only continued CHASM, it got worse. About three years, and it gets worse every fucking day. So they would rather CAUSE mental illness like symptoms than to STOP the abuse and torture that caused or was the symptoms themselves….

It only gets worse. What is CHASM, you may ask, and it is a naming convention that is sort of an acronym for Camera, Harassment/Hearing/Hacking, Abuse, Speakers, Microphones. Basically, they have used hidden surveillance to spy on my body and my voice. They used hidden speakers to make me think i was hearing voices and using noise as a weapon (i know, its hard to believe but i now HAVE THE PROOF and can explain more). They also hacked my main cell phone first, sometime ago. I’m guessing it was the first real thing they might have done, but three phones later and because of technological advancments, it got worse with time. Speaking of technological advancements, they have hacked into IOT devices and even other computers AT THE LIBRARY, to inject audio to harass and abuse me. Oh, and three burner phones i bought over time have also been hacked…..and a Chromebook…..I didn’t prove everything, but the point is, once they were hacking my main Phone they couldn’t just stop there, right? Because of the nature of it, it just becomes easier to get into other devices when you already have foothold anyway. I have proof of my main phone and that’s enough for me right now. Oh, the car I use too, that i bought when i still was working and paid for at least 10 percent….just another room….and the bathroom….and so and on and so forth.

So when i say CHASM i’m really talking about secret spying and audio harassment using any and all avialable means. But there is more…..like the defamation. Hearing that I am a sexual predator of the worst kind because of something i can only guess at, really does get under my skin. And then the fact that they seem to spread this around in places that they should not even know i’m at or to people who they should not be able to contact. For instance, the LIBRARY. The only form of respite my introverted brain has seems to come under corruption….i do not have proof, it is one of my many hypotheticals but….I do believe is happening as I write at BAYNE LIBRARY. I sort of started to explore libraries, not for this reason, but because i just wanted to look around. And i am sure this is not always the case. But just sometimes…..something just tells me in my gut….What could they tell these people to make them revile me? Well, i guess the worst possible crime as if i am a convicted fellon or am hording CAM….what i actually did? NOTHING. Erotica is not illegal….and maybe they are confused or just creating a lie, but i do not actually know what exactly makes them casually think they can call me a SEXUAL PREDATOR without me spending THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE finding every single tiny piece of evidence that proves CHASM is real.

Keep in mind, This started out with a mental breakdown at a job, the worst decision of my life was going to work there, with brother-in-law and his brother and….well, it just turned out very bad for me. They started in that place, maybe my family wasn’t even involved yet, but boy oh boy are they now! IT was a day before Xmas Eve about 11 years ago and i just suddenly realized that “I think they spied on me in my room and other places.” How did I know? Well, my brain just works in a certain fashion and, this has been said to me by EVERYONE not to have happened and nobody spied on me ever, but I now know i was right since than.

But i ended up in a mental hospital for the first time. Not the last. And was convinced by the doctors and my family that nothing was wrong, that i just had a mental illness (i was also a drug addict), and NOBODY SPIED ON YOU. And i believed them. What the fuck is a person, a weak willed little ball of nothing loser like me supposed to do, to think? So i took the pills and thought, for about 8 years of my life that i had schizo- type of mental illness based on the SYMPTOMS of Paraioa, delusional thinking, auditory hallucinations, and psychosis.

But that was BS. That is BS. The medical community has failed me. They have even used that defense against me when manipulating me “what do doctors say?” I still had doubts up until i don’t really know, two months ago? But they faded from “maybe I’m sick” into “I have serious doubts but i still don’t know” to “They lied to me and did this on purpose.”

I will not go into Nemsis or why they have done this….nothing has a simple answer CLEARLY, but that one is a bit convoluted even if I basically understand the entire arc now. And, does it even matter? This too has been used as some excuse to DISMISS my experience of reality “Why would they do this? Why would anyone do this?” All i could do and all i am doing is proving with factual evidence what is the truth, ask them if you want to know. Actually don’t, they will lie to you. I have a better answer but i would need alot of pages to explain.

The simplest answer is: Nemsis is made up of narcissistic bullies and I was an easy target. They started for petty spite, it turned into entertainment and shock, then it just cycled through many different types of low level reasons over 11 years. Basically now, the reason they are doing it is to stop it from being exposed which is now going to go down as the most ironic thing ever connected to me.

Because I should not be alive. I have somehow made it this far with almost no self-esteem and bulges of toxic shame and self hatred. I had so much anger in me when this started but I couldn’t even think (from all the cloudy drugs i was on) let alone PROVE that the people who were caring for me, said they loved me, and treated me kindly to my face were actually doing these things and it was hidden. I mean….just imagine it? I failed so horribly so many times just at the very start of this idea that it hardly ever progressed further and I….attempted to kill myself many times and overdosed on drugs many times for it…..but i knew inside the truth no matter how contorted others treated my very idea of what is real.

And now? I have let go of anger and hatred. I haven’t punched a wall in forever! I stopped drinking, that helped. Maybe not completely clean, but no really hard drugs at least. And my shame is gone. I also let go of guilt because even though being exposed was so very embaressing, i didn’t hurt anyone or really do anything wrong. I really just was crazy in a specific way that is very particular to me i think. And I am confident in what i believe now cause I cannot trust anyone. Who knew the world was full of liars and morons! (no offense, my world is very small right now). I don’t even feel all that shy about socializing. And all of this would have been so good if they JUST STOPPED or if they just never started again. I was ready to move on and….

Anyway, I cannot thank them for putting me through this hell even if these things are the result. And they still think i am a problem that needs to be “taken care of” not a VICTIM of their ABUSE. DARVO is something i just learned and….its incredible how much confoundment I go through to wrap my head around their continued abusive behavior but this is a clear indication that I’m actually NOT the problem. The problem is THEM. And i have done NOTHING STILL! I haven’t started anything yet toward fixing this, but I have to do something. I just don’t want to…..I really don’t want to, funny as it may sound, but most of them are still blood and family and i do remember when they weren’t like this. I’m not out for revenge. I let go of anger and i could have forgiven them….But they couldn’t even view me as an equal in HUMANITY, let alone any other sort of way.

Time will tell.