Two ways

I haven’t been here in a while. In fact, I haven’t been anywhere except my sick mind. Not sick in a hateful violent way but in a depressive way.

I ran out of Mod and i decided to stop taking it. It was a good idea. At first. But, i came to a realization and it will be the last time i come to the same conclusion. My normal state is being depressed and miserable. I need something chemical to change this. Things that don’t work well or fully fix the problem are the exact things that they give me in the psych office. I need something stronger. Therefore, a drug of certain potency is required.

Of course, as a drug addict, it usually backfires. Of course it depends on what drug it is. Heroin backfires immedietly. Alcohol never would work. Cocaine, i never really tried but i can imagine getting it and paying for it would not work. I tried kratom and…its not good, you need a barrel of this green sickly shit to get there and my stomach cannot take it. I even tried over the counter things like Benzedrine and DXM.

So, a year ago I, I found something that worked so well. Mod. It woke me up, made me do things, and I was no longer depressed. But, I did abuse it and it was a little difficult to get. After a year of using it, I was burnt out. But more from my environment and VDP than from Mod.

I started to see an extra therapist for drugs and at the same time i thought to myself, “let me get of the drugs or meds I abuse.” Not the first time, but in the passed it was heroin i was trying to kick so…

But i now know, there are only two ways this can go. I will die depressed. Or, i use or abuse something. Mod is not that harmful, not debilitating, not that expensive, and it works very well.