Reality is the Illusion
3-11-25
I don’t write often here. I don’t come on often either. I didn’t really know what this was when I made it. It started out as something positive. A place I can put my writing and go that route. Then it became a means to fighting nemsis, with so many ideas of how to do it. Then it kind of floated around, not being anything really but a sometimes place to write something.
I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I don’t understand anything. Its all just a delusion. Not the things you think are the delusion, like voices and paranioa and psychotic symptoms. Nope. That was part of reality. The delusion was that everyone fucking hates me. It just seems to be a truth. And I can understand some, others I can understand a whole lot, but others are just baffling to me.
The source of enmity, nemsis, can just change peoples wills against me using predetermined shit from years ago or never, for all i know. I know its SOMETHING, but i don’t know what it is!! But regardless, since nemsis has agents of sweet voics and faces they can be persuasive with just words. I knew this in my guts, my heart, from the Big Bang on that they had control of my life, but i wanted to believe that it was a delusion, like every professional told me it was. Just like my whole family has told me it is.
And I tried to live! I tried to live thinking I had privacy in my life, in my room. That i had privacy on my phone. That nobody would put cameras in my fucking room and microphones and….SPEAKERS!….So i lived as if i had those things….when i didn’t…
I can’t tell you how much of a devestation it is to learn that i was wrong. For how long? i don’t know. But….i spent most of my time in the house and in my room…the place of security, privacy, and comfort. All along, it was a staging ground for my exploitation as a mentally ill person. I could have gotten better! I could have gotten better!! But my intuition was always pricked up, telling me the aweful truth. And when asking my family members in that house, on many occassions? They persisted in lying and claiming that it was my aweful “mind” that caused these “symptoms”. Every doctor gave me meds for psychosis, and also persisted in telling me what THEY LEARNED FROM A FUCKING BOOK. That these were all signs of a psychotic disorder. And another person…who for years could never believe me no matter how many times i told her and gave her real life experiences as proof and reason and logic. But she could not believe it because it seemed too “unreasonable” and “Illogical” for a group of people to do this to me. “your not that special”. “if i am watched on my phone or tv, i don’t care. let them watch.”
So simple to make these statements about yourself when we are not talking about the same thing. Not the government. Not corpos. Not thieves. These are people who just hate me. Yup, people who hate me and then spread it around, more and more. I cannot know how bad it is. I don’t know! But i do know things for certain by using deductive reasoning and logical steps.
I lost my train of thought as i was busy doing things. I’m at the library where i believe a person i went to AFHS works. I could be wrong…..I COULD BE WRONG….but it seems she is part of Nemsis and in comm with them…..which is absolutely insane!
How many people does this conspiracy have? I mean why does she even hate me so much? i don’t understand?
I knew, in my heart, when i left that place, they had gotten to Ni, and she was still friends with this person. So, the defamation went from Curly, to Ni, to library….and i tried to kill myself because of THEM ALL. My attempted suicide is the direct reaction to their actions….i recovered…
I ‘m done, but now the Library is also not secure. Did they take that away from me too? I’m trapped. I can’t even go to the library to look things up to get help. I can’t get help. They cut off my ability to get help. And torture to the point that (they think) will get me to kill myself.
…..
