Day in and Day
Day in and Day out
4-28-25
Just in case, I have set this up to insure clarity of my case against Nesmsis. Nothing official, nor do I even desire such a thing, but since its causing me so much suffering I have no other choice.
This is also to point out that there is the possibility of them thwarting me and/or trying to create enough lies to frame me into something that is BuLLSHIT and/or undermining the severity of their actions and/or flipping the point by supporting the idea that this is just a part of my mental illness by showcasing anything that may make me look bad….
I am torn
The walls are closing in on me as I delve further and further into the truth. I am so weak in power, so small. A single man with zero to my name. And a conspiracy of people (who are literally “very close to me”…I need to be vague), who have influence and money and power and people and means want to destroy me. They also have almost complete control over everything in my life and can monitor me in all the places I deemed safe and secure.
So I have to go out of my house to even get close to getting a moment of peace and privacy, but with my PHONE, which I am now 100% sure, is under their control. They can monitor me, listen to me, and see everything I do, where I go. They treat me like I am a wild child. I am a 39 year old adult male.
So, right now, at the library computer, which seems to be pretty secure, I am writing this because I do not know what they have done and I fear for my…..well me. They have already defamed me for the last 10 or more years, destroying every relationship. But I believe, they might be tactfully planting even more sinister defamatory ideas. Maybe they are making police statements or other public records. Or spreading info on social media, which I do not use. To paint a picture, that is utterly false.
Why would they do this now? Because I have been gathering every single piece of possible evidence that might prove certain crimes are being committed and am posturing a defense in a sort of way to let it be known that I am experiencing torture and abuse of a deeply psychological and emotional sort. They know I have made this very clear that recording me with audio or video in my room, bathroom, and car, along with hacking or monitoring any of my devices, are non-negotiable and without my consent. Also are criminal actions.
All my time and effort and energy and mind has been to find the truth about my reality. I have been recording journals of my experience for almost three years and have made every attempt to discover the ways they accomplish these things. And I am standing up for myself for once, after a lifetime of low self-esteem and crushing shyness.
Their response….well, they seem to have doubled down. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to either get them to tell me if these things are true or make it clear that I do not consent or tolerate it at all. And, without fail, the response is always the same. They make everything worse for me, lie even more, and continue the abuse. Even today, I could hear them say how they feel. Simply put, they are thin-skinned, Narcissist people who are over opinionated and fully resent me and hate me. They are merciless and cruel, manipulative and deceitful. I am not saying to everyone it would be a similar experience from them, but to me and because of who I am and how I fit into their lives, they have planted me as the Scapegoat.
On the surface, to my face, they have done nothing wrong. You could even say they treat me fine. (Being a group, obviously some of them are better than others, but I am talking about them as a group). But I have a different experience that has changed over time, and I have made it known in so many ways that I am treated very badly. I have also confronted them about CHASM (basically my acronym for all the non-negotiables I mentioned earlier) which constantly gets worse and more bizarre, the more I fight back. They have told me, point blank, that nothing that I claim is happening. They have lied to my face now for so long, but right in the next room I know I can hear them admit it, under exaggerate it, and become completely different people.
The reason for putting this here, on the front page, today is because I fear they might try to frame me or do something else to contain me. I have done nothing wrong or illegal, and I will not ever do anything wrong or illegal. It’s just that, nobody believes me and I have nobody. And maybe nobody likes me even, I don’t care. I know, on the outside, I have perfectly fine and good interactions with strangers and I know people could like me if I had a chance. But they won’t allow it.
And the more I try to get help or assistance, the more I realize that I am trapped. By cutting off my privacy, I cannot even try to get some assistance to see what I can do about this because they will see it and know and monitor it. I didn’t do it on purpose, but I have lost all control and autonomy. But my privacy too?
Like I said, I have to go to the library to write this. And I constantly make new emails and try burner phones and some means of having an avenue to get help. But what if they are thwarting me? I cannot help but be paranoid, because the thing I was paranoid about was actually true and I will forever be broken never truly trust anyone. But they have no legal hold on me at all. Under the country’s laws, I am free and have the same civil liberties and rights as any other person. And I am writing here, they are always preventing me and blocking me from any recourse. Because, even though I do want to get myself away from this toxicity, I also do want some justice and vindication.
4-29-25
Just a small addition to add to reasons I am afraid. While in the Bathroom, at the library, I heard V3 say “you are going to be put away for the rest of your life!” So illogical to think, but somehow, someway, it is being transmitted from my Phone so that i can hear. When I turn off everything and then power it down, it will disappear. I need to … or that statement is just going to be added to the long list of “well, that is impossible. You are psychotic.”
At the same time, I need to protect myself from the possibility that the threat is genuine and they are in the midst of setting me up somehow.
In any case, I am fucked. I sincerely would rather be suffering from psychosis and hearing voices at this point. For a long time now, I realized that this is way worse than a Mental Illness. I could handle and accept and have accepted diagnosis for almost all my life and I did so when this shit started too from BB onward. But…this is a million times worse than whatever my brain could even cook up and it has cooked up so much crazy shit. I tried to count it all as my mental illness already, many times, for many years, and it is clear that that too is impossible to live with. I tried my best, my hardest to just brush it off. But they have a will that wants to just crush me to death. Fighting back is the only option besides ending my life. And….i don’t know what is better. I am so torn up. I am struggling so much. I just wish i had someone to talk to and tell.
(5 a.m. from Honduras visited. So, I wonder, do they read this? They must know. It is a public site but gets almost zero traffic and has no exposure……..yet. And I want it that way………for now.)
