9-23-16

9-23-16

I still feel lifeless.  I don’t want to do anything.  I enjoy nothing.  My emotions are still very much stagnant.  My head hurts.  I wanna crawl into a hole, but I don’t want to die, I just wanna lay there and stare at the darkness.  I don’t have the strength to care enough to live or die.  I don’t have the depression to hate myself or the anger to hate everyone else.  I’m trapped in a bubble of unknown pain, I know not where it is.  Is it in my head?  In my body? In my heart? Where is it? I really can’t tell, but it is there and I fucking can’t stand it.  Perhaps that is the only thing I can really form an opinion about, I can’t fucking stand this. 

In time maybe it will lessen a little bit.  But I know it will only lessen a little bit and never just leave. But still I go through the day and wait.  i’m vigilant like a priest waiting to hear God respond for once, God dammit, just once. 

This problem precedes all others and if it is a brain chemistry problem, as I know it must be, than I need to do nothing, because what can I do?  I guess i’ll just wait a little longer, what’s the worst that can happen? 

The end