Cannot hold it in so i let it out

I trusted everyone who had authority. i was broken. I was deceived by everyone around me. They had tricked me. They had pranked me. It was certainly most definitely my fucking brother-in-law and the GOONS in my old job THEA INC. that did this in the first place as a joke or something. They probably just hacked into my phone first.

The thing is, i have NO IDEA RIGHT NOW WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED! This is my best guess. This is the best i can come up with with what i have. I need to KNOW EVERYTHING. Or, i need to be away and safe from everyone who would harm me or my NAME! IT IS THE ONLY ONE I HAVE!

But i have been talking and writing about this FOREVER now and I TALK ALOT. I write ALOT TOO. And it seems, they have been recording my words and taking my data from me. NOTHING IS SACRED. What the fuck is this? Why would they just think it is okay to do this and act like i know anything about what they are even talking about from the past. I have said everything when i was in my privacy! Every word, every idea, i have said some dumb shit, dark shit, funny shit, i have talked shit about people i have talked about every little instance of my life i have lied and have told the truth but…..

In the end, Sticks and STone may BREAK your BONES….WORDS CAN NEVER HURT YOU! Taught to me as a child by one of this very group people. I remember the day.

Yet, they seem to be using my words, RIPPING it from the frame of my past and constructing some idea of me. A character. A fiction. They do not know it but that is what they are doing. They are creating a fictional version of me to hate. Yet, why do they act the way they do in front of me? why do they act like nice people and like they love me? Because THEY DO! They just think, because this whole thing is, and they believe it will remain, INVISIBLE, than who will know. It is the perfect….crime….

It is a crime. I refuse to accept that this isn’t abuse. That this isn’t built on a lie. That they haven’t neglected me. That they haven’t hurt me in so many ways for so long! If i deserved punishment for whatever i did IGOTIT! enough is enough. I don’t even understant what the fuck they are talking about! But no matter what, i will always have a clean conscience over this. Nobody deserves this. Why would they do this? I don’t care anymore.

I just want to be left alone. Voices cant hurt me so i can deal with that. But the hacking and stalking and threating and defamation got to stop. I have to make sure it stops. I also need to move away. I need to get away from them and their circle of influence because i am certain that this is now INSTITUTIONAL GASLIGHTING. The core group is just 5 people and they know the actual truth. But it seems people around me are under their influence based on….I have zero clue.

But i also know that i am clearly talking to myself and look a little mental. I am mentally ill. They have driven me crazy and i might have odd behaviors, sure, but if this is because a reason….I have to say it isn’t for some sexual crime that didn’t happen. If it was, then i would be confronted by someone already. I would have talked to the police. SOMETHING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED ALREADy. The fact that nothing has happened is proof to me that whatever the reason for this bias isn’t based on that. It has to be based on another thing that i am, and that thing is mentally ill.

Crazy. Insane. Retarted. Loser. TALKING TO YOURSELF. Yes, odd behaviors for sure, but i am not mentally CHALLANGED. That is a different thing. I have a mood disorder and was tricked into psychosis over 12 years of being abused and gaslit, so do i qualify as disabled? According to the government i certainly do. And i am very much in need of help to live which i was getting from my family, no, my parents. If that stops, i will be in need of assistance from other people or the government. Becauase, i am helpless….they made me learn helplessness through this, but i am helpless. I needed help for everything. And now, it seems my family thinks i would be SAFER IN THE GRAVE, then outside their “protection.”

It really baffles my mind. I would take my chances. But i do not accept this fucking bullshit refusal to accept their actions. I mean, if they really mean it, if they really think that they are in the right, than what the fuck is the secret nature of all this for! It is secret, because they are in DENIAL. Nobody want to be CAUGHT for a CRIME they might have committed, that is what the truth is. And i know this, but they seem to be not capable of accepting this fact. They have fucking broken me for a stupid reason that didn’t exist until they comfirmed i was building a “case” against their crimes. But, i never had a “plan”. I needed to know the truth. I needed to get PROTECTION FROM IT. That is what I have.

They seem to have gone insane. Instead of stopping. Instead of backtracking a little. Or laying off. They went further and hurt me more and even the physical pain is always going on. But, more importantly, thay seem to have gone into the “data” that must have been coollected by donkey over….12-18 years….jesus christ! I mean how the fuck does this make me feel! But anyway, they seem to have been going through my past, piece by piece, collecting everything up and not only that, using what i have said RECENTLY, in my privacy, in my bedroom, to myself, quietly (mics…they are the house now), in the BATHROOM…

And they pieced together a compilation…is my guess. They think they can take the negative stuff, they can remove context, and just forget the rest of my WHOLE FUCKING EXISTENCE. They create a character based on past instances because they have recorded me illegally in my privacy for this long! OF course they can make anyone hate me! What the fuck is so hard about that? I am saying this though, that is proof of their crimes and i NEED IT.

Not to mention the fact that they can just alter and use AI to literally make up fake videos and pictures now. Don’t be fooled by them. This is all bullshit. They are liars. They only tell me what they want me to hear, but i have heard literal idiocy come out of them. “torturing puppies”, “trafficked teenagers”, “Boner at the pool”, and then the most horrible words ever spoken, told to me like it is nothing. “pedo”, “CP”, KIDS KIDS KIDS”, “12, 18,15,13” i mean they are feeding me this like it will be subliminally put into my brain and made true. The problem is this simple thing….

I am talking back. And i know they can hear EVERY SINGLE BREATHE. Why? Because, they respond to me IN REAL TIME. I hear them always responding in real time back to what i say almost immediatly, meaning, they are using some means of talking, like through a chat, a webpage, that can be accessed by anyone given the credentials, so that more people can further abuse me. HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS BE VOICES IN MY HEAD? it is literally impossible for me to even believe anything i have heard this whole time was paradolia or even a hallucination anymore, because for the last 5 months, they have been doing this constantly! EVERYWHER I GO.

But, there are exceptions. I have noticed times where they couldn’t be heard….and i could be heard. I could get away from these so called “VOICES”. They are not voices, they are this group and now more people are joining in on the fun?

Somehow i have to make this insanity that they are committing against me look real and true, but the more they do it, the more it gets crazier. “Everything is hacked”. “Im being watched everywhere” “they are talking back, these voices” “They are hurting me with invisible DEW weapons that use sound or RF waves”. All of these things, every single one, will sound crazy to someone WHO NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS SHIT. That is mostly everyone! I was one of these people.

I will not give up. I will not give in. They want to threaten me with violence than they can hurt me and kill me. But DO NOT ACT like i am the one who is a danger, who will respond with anything but the same passive resistence i have employed this entire time. They got me angry, but i cannot get angry or hateful now. I cannot even think of violence. I am on the edge of being broken again by these sophistacated narcisistic sadists who cannot give up on hurting me anyway they can and they think words are the worst.

The words stopped hurting once i found out about the effects of the invisible wave oriented weaponized tech they have developed or bought from some place in order to make me THINK it is coming from me. I do not know how long, but it was happeing for a while now. It is burning me, it is slowly removing something from me, sucking me dry. I am losing lifeforce. Something is being taken and nobody cares anymore…..I care…..and i am equal in rights. Equality of justice is the prime reason why i refuse inside this country to just take this bullying and not do anything.

Nobody cares….or do they just join in to make sure they make me disappear? Is it that they hate me? Do they have the ability to make people around me hate me so much? I mean, why would they? I don’t understand how everyone just goes along and doesn’t help ME. Why does my life mean nothing? I am not even sure what they even are talking about, but it seems like they are using something from 20ish ago, when i was younger and i wasn’t me today. Do people just go along with whatever story someone who clearly hates me comes up with? Why?

Normal people protect each other. But i see, and i have seen, from my experience inside hospitals and mental health groups and inpatient mental health facilities, that i belong to a certain class of people who are, by nature, loners. But, because we have this stigma, we cannot get out of this loner like solitude even if we want. And because we are alone and do not trust people (and i see now, people are brutally unfair to MI people) we remain alone by ourselves with NO DEFENSE. Being defenseless and alone is very much a tough place to be in. I have been in this place for A LONG TIME. This has been occuring for years. I mean STRAIGHT. YEARS STRAIGHT OF THIS SHIT.

Surprisingly i didn’t break to the point of no return. I got stronger. I got confidence. I learned, that if you do not stand up to bullies, you will most certainly be killed….either by them or by self injury. People will run right over you like nothing. Less than a squiril. People seem to treat me normally and suddenly, i am a piece of garbage on the curb.

I wanted, most of all, to find a way to fight this oprression. This hostile secretive nature that people employ against me and, because i have knoweledge and experience now, everyone like me. I am not alone. Everyone like me gets bullied. I have been bullied all my life. I just never thought my family, who were good, would choose to bully me to suicide instead of letting me get some peace after so much punishment. I mean….what happened? i really do not know, but they know. What the hell happened!

I wanted to build support and advacacy for people who are suffering from similar technology and passive aggressive abuse. This is well known to me now. There is a sort of contract people have with each other. They get to bully and shit on people if they are LABELED something. And because of a LABEL, it becomes a secretive game to see how to fuck with them in new ways. This is what i have seen. This is what i have experienced. Because i cannot “prove” it because its invisible or behind my back, that means they can just deny it. Deny Deny DENY. The first word in DARVO. Deny, Attack, REVERSE, and Victimize yourself!

Is it a joke i am victim? I don’t care. But how in the hell can people act like they are the victim of me…..when they are hurting me and stalking me and spying on me and hacking ME! how am i not the victim of them? And what am i doing to anyone to victimize? NOTHING> There is NO VICTIM. How can they claim to be a victim of a victimless “crime” that they put upon me, when they are gleefully, almost joyfully, torturing me with voices and harrassment and learned helplessness and hidden attacks and lieing and denying and keeping me in a helpless, hurt, injured state of being? How the fuck are they the victim??

The fact is, i do not want to be a victim. Nobody does. But i am a victim. They seem to have “come out” to now deny me everything as if this was always true. They have lied to me about safety and about protection and about love and about kindness and about everything….And they act like i hurt them. THEY HURT ME!! How are they not feeling an ounce of empathy for me? I do not understand these people!

I will fight them then. Not in armed combat, this isn’t medieval times! I will fight them inside the place you get restitution for injuries upon a person. They want it. They beg for it. They think they are innocent….They are the farthest thing from innocent or good i can think of. If they continue to abuse me this way, with CHASM and DEWS…..I will hurt more….

They achieve NOTHING. They will gain NOTHING FROM THIS!