7-29-24 What is the point?

I don’t write here everyday because I only write at the library. I haven’t been here for a while. But I was thinking, maybe I should just say EF it and write at home. I have a way that might work and still keep this from “them”.

From what i can tell, they still do not have any idea about this website. Obviously, i think they would talk about it. Seeing as i have heard Zero about it, i think its still safe.

But…at the same time, this wasn’t meant to be kept hidden. I expect this to be a source for my voice rising above the cacophony of Nemsis’s negativity. It showcases what I am going through. I am not trying to put people down or insult people (seriously anyway), I am trying to write what it is like living under these circumstances. They are very odd and i am getting very tired of it.

Unfortunately…i have been using a stimulant that was helping me with motivating me a little. It was pretty strong in the beginning but i have found that it has lost its magic. Therefore, i will be discontinuing it. Today is the last day i had some. So…it might just be so that i won’t even care anymore because i had a problem of anhedonia before the stimulant and without it again, i might just stop giving a fuck about everything.

I will be in a comma for the next week at least but i will recover. Maybe i will continue this website and keep it going with more care. That is my plan…Becuase the one thing i know is, The VDP will NOT JUST STOP. It will continue even if i am sleeping. They think i am ‘playing” lol…It is going to be funny when they are wondering why i’m not talking back or acting confident.

But it is also possible this is a bad idea and without that little help i will just become nothing and not care. What is the point anyway?