I Got the Magic in me

So, after another three weeks without a certain medication, I finally got more yesterday. And i’m already fired up! At the library to continue this story and do some things.

Already, made an appointment to a dentist.

I’m really motivated!

(So, i have been seeing a second therapist (i will call him Thero) who focuses on drugs. And it is clear Mod is a drug addiction. I don’t get it from a Dr., I don’t know if its pure, and i have been taking more than the rec. dosage.

Of course, its not that simple, and with his help, I do have a plan. I will have to sort out my depression which means i need to sort out my psychiatrist. Is it that i am not seeing the right one? So, it may be possible, that i will be switching psych Dr.'s.

However, since i ordered more Mod, and it came (i was sort of hoping it wouldn’t come), i was tested. he said, “even if it comes, don’t take it. You don’t need to. YOU ARE CAPABLE.” Apparently not…cause i took it.

But there is another aspect to this he bought up. If I take the rec dosage, have a doctor prescribe it, and it helps with the most nasty aspect of my current form of depression, fatigue and lack of motivation, than it can be okay!

In a perfect world. For now, i will see my current psych., make a decision about if i need to go to a new one, and possibly have my meds changed to deal with NOW, because what i do take for depression and mood is not working. That is why i SEEK more…and Mod filled that gap.

Ideally, i will be seeing a psych who knows everything and can just change my meds to the right ones first try. And i can be stable enough to do things.)

But for now, i am at the library writing on this forlorn looking website blog. And what is the verdict in my life? Have things been sorted out in that aspect? The answer is, absolutely not.

So, I have my psyche to worry about, which constitutes brain (medication) and mind (therapy, talking). Then, i have physical health, which i went to the doctor for. I also bought a bike. As far as i can tell, i am not in any way physically disabled, but because of my horrible depressive states and deceptive environment and chaotic mind, i have grown oh so weak!. It isn’t the end of the game yet, however, and i can build up my stamina and muscles, it is possible, and get that surgery too….someday. Perhaps a physical therapist or trainer could help? I don’t know if i’m willing to pay for that right now.

Then there is my environmental problems. Also known as my housing/living situation. Just as i need help with the other things, this is something i need help with too. Not from SW or Nemsis(obviously) but Thera (my first, long term therapist) i may have that soon enough. Of course, Nemsis wants me trapped so it wont be so easy. And it is only one step in frinding freedom from that….stuff.

And, when all is sorted, a million years from now, I might have a chance to get a job, a career, and maybe even yet, a mate, a girlfriend…

These are the dreams that keep me alive like a carrot on a stick.