I haven’t worked in 10 years

All of a sudden, I feel, the “voices”, my nemesis (a conglomeration of people or just hallucinations [who knows?]), is suddenly aroused by the idea that I do not work?

Well…I am sick. They like to tell me that all the time, but do not want to believe that i cannot work for some reason. I am bipolar. I’ve been hospitalized for this shit like 11 times. I hear ‘voices’ and am “paranoid” but i am not mentally ill enough? I’ve seen hundreds of people less mentally ill then me in programs (oh yes, i’ve been in like 10 outpatient programs too.) Maybe they want me in a pogrom instead of a program.

I did research on the Nazi extermination of the…disabled. Yes, they did it under the radar, even trying to convince the families of the dearly departed that they were doing the “state” a favor by getting rid of “useless eaters.”

But i cannot deny that fact. You would be doing the “state” or the “norms” a favor by getting…uhoh…this is starting to sound like some sort of manifesto so let me backtrack.

I am trying to make enough money so i can move out. I will try to use the legal system to help me. If any such worry exists that i am somehow a danger to…myself, i am not.

This is the facts. I have looked at stigma face to face now and i see its ugliness in every person that looks at me and sees that this is an unethical thing that has happened to me.

And i have paid dearly with my life, 10 years or more. This punishment will not continue. I will not be harrassed because i’m mentally ill. I will not worry because I am mentally ill. I will continue to live.

Its not me who needs to stop. I have done nothing wrong.