February 10th 2024: being forced into the hospital against my will

On February 10th 2024, I called the cops because i was being harassed and threatened by speakers of colors and, instead of just being outright with them, i had to hold back and say “I should have killed myself instead” in jest. This is the remnants of whatever stuff I wrote about that experience. I did not finish obviously.——-

Prior to Hospital

I will try not to defame anyone, so I will just use simple pronouns

I was hearing voices for a while.  11 years.  But for the last 6 months I was certain it was real.  I was researching everything connected with an intention of writing a book.

Regardless of what I found out or think I found out, that day I had not slept for 3 nights.  This is an uncommon thing for me and is usually linked to a psychotic break.  On top of that I was taking a stimulant off the internet that helps with focus.

To put it in the easiest way, I was hearing voices of people I know, people I haven’t heard from in a long time, and even people I didn't know saying that I should die, how I should die, and that I should kill myself.  That is common in my life and easy to ignore.  But it was extra that day.

That, however, was not what made me call the cops.  I started hearing something new, something I hadn’t heard before.  Along with hearing voices, I'm paranoid, and one of my delusions is being framed.  So when the voices started to say things around Lionsong I became very agitated and afraid.  I, obviously, am not and I would defend myself to the ends of the earth rather than just take an insult like that.

It got worse....when it started to sound like something that never even could happen was being talked about as if it had happened.  And the thing was horrible.

In a panic for peace, I finally said ef it and I ran to the phone.

White tried to stop me by grabbing the phone and my wrists.  I said "No. Stop" for her to back away and I think Grey told her to stop too.  But I couldn't trust them.  I couldn't trust anyone anymore.

So....I made a call and got problems. They needed to know why?  I couldn't tell them.  I didn't want to tell them that the colors are responsible for something.  Hell, I didn't know who was but I wasn't trying to get anyone else in trouble.  I wanted help.  I needed help!  They demanded some more and I just asked for them to send someone because I didn't feel safe and I didn't trust the phone and I didn't trust the people next to me.

Ops and "I don't want to hurt anyone" and Accept myself

So a police car finally came.  The colors immediately wanted to step in the way so they could mark me as an "invalid"....God bless them but....if vdp is real, it’s bad.  I will forgive them no matter what.

But I was able to get the officer alone.  They went inside, shut the doors, and we started to talk.

On the sidewalk, away from the house, near our car, I started to talk to Copper1 (a very nice, very young, very empathetic man).   And, I realized, without prep and in my state, I could not start....after stammering for 1 minute, I uttered "I should have just killed myself" out loud... and for a second, I meant it.

Then, for some reason, I calmed down and actually started to make sense.  Putting things together just as with my writing is somewhat in some order, I thought of individual things to mention.

He moved us over to the front stairs of our house, which made me nervous because of the eavesdropping possibility but didn't care that much and in a calmer tone, I shot of one thing after another.

Copper A was probably the only cop on the planet I could have connected with at that moment so it was as if it was intentionally him.  He might have been the psychology guy in the PD, idk.  But he just asked calmly questions, listened to my crazy theorizing, and I even think he believed me for a little bit.  Certain things prolly stood out to him that could indeed lead to a crime or abuse.

I don't need to recount much of what I told him because it’s the same stuff in other places.  The only thing that I will recall here is the FRAME which was why I went into that panic.  So I told him about Porn watching, Anime, and the Lionsong that seems to be sung so fucking much. I had to be real because the Frame was so much worse that whether or not I browse prom on the internet, so I was.

I did mention the Frame in as much detail as I could, I told him how I had foreseen this already and sent myself emails regarding being framed in certain ways, and the stupidity it would take to do anything near that sort of crime if I believed I was being watched 24-7.  I also made sure I said I never download only browse and only use popular sites like Reddit and Pornhub.

Yes, I told the cop this all! 

I want to make sure it was clear that I did not do this to get anyone in trouble.  I love my family.  I even broke down a little when saying this.  And...I even didn't care, if it was true VDP, whether they investigated or not.   I just could not be there anymore.

I also wanted this to be on some record.  I asked him like three times about the body cam because it could serve as evidence if need be.

Backup was called and a Middle Eastern looking young handsome man showed up.  He was another vibe altogether and I immediately did not trust him.  He wasn’t mean or anything, I just felt the claws of Majeep had scratched everyone in the fucking world so he was one.

He asked some questions but I mostly ignored him and focused on CopperA who was the obviously interested and Good Hearted one.

Not much more to say here, unless I remember something new.

I was told I was going to the hospital because of my little utterance which, not only was heard by CopperA but was now on record.  So I had no choice now.

The ambulance came and I took a ride.....all while not even saying goodbye to my mom...dad...

Apparently, the cops didn't even talk to them.  So they didn't even enter the house.  I don't know much about this.  All I know is what I saw and went through.  What happened with them and the cops is something I may never know for real.

CopperA came with me in the Amb and he asked me questions.  It was clear he was comforting me, trying to get me to relax, and trying to help.  I felt no ill intention from him at all.  He is a great man, kind heart.

Finally we arrived and another point turns.....

Addition:  I just remembered when I was talking about SD cards when the second cop arrived....it suddenly turned into a dick joke, a small dick joke.  I didn't get it at first because the CopperA was sincere but suddenly code on the radio, and Copper B butts in about "this size right"  “no this size".  Now we are all three millennials.  They might even be younger than me.  So the idea that an SD card is 5 inches or 2 inches even is ridiculous and I caught on immediately.  I think I even said it out loud. 

And it was copperb who was pushing this BS.

This will continue into the entering of the hospital, where I heard whispers and just plain stupidly obvious small dick jokes.

They purposely gave me tight ass clothes and while in the bathroom, I even responded "I'm not even that small.  Micropenis.  This is stupid, I don't even care."  But yeah, small penis jokes and where did it start? 

Do they have an internal communication about micropenis people between the cops and hospital?  Or is it more devious and it comes from actually seeing my fucking dick. 

Just because you make fun of a person’s genitals doesn't automatically make it not creepy and gay to look.

  Something about not being able to.  I got smart and asked "is my house or number on a list or something.  What are my rights?  Did you already speak to someone about me?"

They did finally send an officer while I waited soo soo awkwardly with the colors....I truly hated every second of having to do this and had rather not have had to do it at all but Jesus Christ what the fuck can I do?  I was stuck.

The roll into the castle

I arrived to Cheers by all the staff as if I was Vann Halen after a concert!

JK....It was the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in a long long time.  It was horrible.

I had a dry ass mouth from talking and not drinking anything for a while.  First thing is I asked for a water?  (Keep this in mind for later.)

So when I arrived, they asked if I needed a wheelchair or if I could walk.  I could walk so I said walk.  I think a wheelchair would have been better now...because one bullet point (I will be making BP's throughout the rest for reference): The indifference to psych patients over "real" patients seems to be a thing.

So I got up, said by to both Coppers, B was done with my BS and whispering something bad to A....who chuckled.  I don't blame him.  A good heart but you still have to be a norm so making fun of the meeks is part of the game.

But I forgot all about (or would have if my memory wasn't still fresh) that chuckle when I saw the twenty or so hospital workers all react to me entering and clearly already shitting all over my enter being with rumors and gossip and disgust and hatred and the bathroom sink.

"Oh yeah, this is his 9th time..."I heard from the desk.  To who?  Everyone I guess.

I can't tell you the feeling of being forced into a place where everyone already hates your guts and "knows" things they shouldn't all the while having to rely on them for everything while I am unable to leave. (I do not mean anything else but the hospital)

It’s actually horror inducing.  But I was in a horror movie at that point in time cause it got worse and worse.

So I stumbled into the entrance trying to talk but so fucking out of it I kept forgetting what I was saying and just repeating myself.  The truth is....going from not having to deal with many people into a situation where 20 people are suddenly looking at the size of your penis is fucking terrifyingly horrible.  I guess I handled it well, but like I said, was fucked up.

The woman, I’ll call her NurseA, was younger than me maybe by a little and no nonsense.  She focused on getting answers and now that I am thinking about it, she was not mean or insulting at all.